Posted on 11/06/2016
Considering “PARENT” as an acronym is the way one Danish parent explains why kids and parents in Denmark rank as some of the happiest on the planet. Isn’t that what all of us want, after all — for us and our kids — more happiness, all around? Seriously. Yet most of us probably feel guilty doing the very things that contribute to that happiness, starting with the “P” in “PARENT":
• P is for Play
• A is for Authenticity
• R is for Reframing
• E is for Empathy
• N is for No Ultimatums
• T is for Togetherness
We’ve discussed some of these topics in the past — such as the importance of play and benefits of togetherness, as well as how empathy can help create more generous kids. So we’re going to delve into the letters we haven’t really tackled yet on this blog.
Reframing Defined
This is the kind of thing that takes a combination of ahead-of-time intentionality and in-the-moment creativity. For those of us who didn’t grow up with parents who demonstrated the “N” of “No Ultimatums” or nurtured us in the “E” of “Empathy," this doesn’t come naturally. But we can change the way we perceive and present situations. Why is this important? As the article cited above explains, “deliberately reinterpreting events in a better light improves cognitive control and adaptability.” Wow. Who doesn’t want kids with better mental discipline and flexibility? How significantly could those character qualities serve our kids — and, by extension, the rest of the planet — if they can get a handle on them early in life?
Reframing and Identity
Something akin to “self-fulfilling prophecy,” the focus of our interpretations plays a major role in determining our attitudes. If we focus on our kids’ wrong behavior and mention it often (to them and others), we will begin to see them as defined by it — and so will they. If by contrast, we focus on affirming their strengths, they will be more inclined to continue to develop those, seeing themselves in a positive way and continuing to grow the good qualities they do possess.
Reframing and Coping Skills
Reframing isn’t just significant when it comes to our kids’ self-image that’s at stake (not that that issue isn’t significant enough!) but also in regards to their emotional buoyancy amid the unpredictable, yet ever-present waves of difficulty in their lives. While the goal isn’t to be unrealistic (remember, “A” is for “Authenticity”!), it encompasses being able to see the bright side of any situation. It’s having a growth mindset, always asking how a stumbling block can become a stepping stone.
The Danes don’t pretend every day is sunny; in fact, their weather forecast typically includes cloudy days. Maybe it’s the very fact that they have to look for rainbows and silver linings at all that makes them so bent on reframing other parts of life. Whatever the reason, they certainly give us something to consider when it comes to happier parenting and raising happier kids.
Read the Series
• One Danish Secret to Happier Kids: Reframing
• A Key Danish Secret to Happier Kids: No Ultimatums
• Another Danish Secret to Happier Kids: Authenticity
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