Posted on 11/07/2016
“Authenticity” is one of those words being tossed around a lot these days. Merriam-Webster defines it as “real or genuine, not copied or false, true and accurate.” Pretension is out, and reality is very, very in. How does this cultural value relate to your parenting? According to the Danes, it’s part of the recipe for raising happy kids. After over 30 years of ranking as the happiest people group on the planet, they should know. Ironically before “Reframing” in the acronym “PARENT,” “Authenticity" holds a valuable place.
An Authentic Take on Parental Modelling
In a business-focused article at Forbes.com about how important authenticity is to Millennials, the following statement about corporate leadership can relate to parents as well: “Moderns need to be able to demonstrate their weaknesses and be more open in communicating their feelings. They need to acknowledge their imperfections and mistakes. Give up trying to present a perfect façade, it is untrue and, thankfully, a bad thing with this generation.” If you grew up in a world where adults pretended they were perfect, mimicking that kind of pretension may come naturally. But it actually inhibits honest communication and decreases respect. It can also lead to feelings of betrayal, as they realize that you could have shown them empathy but instead hid behind an authoritarian leadership style that distanced them, rather than drawing them close.
An Honest Approach to Emotions
Some of the ways we try to protect our kids can actually increase their vulnerability and decrease their ability to cope. As important as reframing can be, it has to start with honesty: Life isn’t always fair. Not everyone is really out for our good. Sometimes wrongdoings go unpunished. People we love die. Sometimes we can work as hard as humanly possible and still not succeed. Without reframing, those realities can be likely to bring a dark cloud that casts a shadow on all the good stuff; but let’s not allow that “straw man” argument to draw us into rose-colored-glasses side. Our kids can learn to deal with the hard things that are very real. If we don’t expose them to the truth of how hard life can be, they will still have to learn that truth someday — and it will be much more difficult, then.
A Real Perspective on Praise
This kind of honesty resists the urge to flatter our kids and dole out heaping portions of praise. Sure, we want to encourage character qualities like working hard and being persistent. But we don’t want them to be led to believe their every sprint is worthy of an Olympic Gold Metal or each writing assignment is on par with a Pulitzer prize. Not without empathy or reframing, the happiest parents and kids embrace authenticity and grow together as they face a sometimes harsh but ever-challenging world.
Read the Series
• One Danish Secret to Happier Kids: Reframing
• A Key Danish Secret to Happier Kids: No Ultimatums
• Another Danish Secret to Happier Kids: Authenticity
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